The loss of a child comes in many forms. There is hope and support for grieving mothers, and the community that surrounds her. Rachel shows us how to be helpful and compassionate with our loved ones.
Bio
Rachel Lewis is the founder of Brave Mamas, an online community offering support to thousands of bereaved moms. Rachel is a well-known contributor to Still Standing Magazine and Pregnancy After Loss Support. She’s the creator of Unexpecting: A 4-Week Grief Workshop for Pregnancy Loss for couples.
Her work and family have been featured by the Today Show, Upworthy, AdoptUSKids, and Babble. Rachel has experienced the loss of five pregnancies, as well as the unique grief of reunifying a foster son with his birth family. Learn more at thelewisnote.com.
Why this book is a necessary resource
Rachel Lewis is the founder of the Brave Mamas online support group, and the friend bereaved mothers never hoped to need. She gives them the practical guide she wished for after each of her five losses.
With raw transparency and no pat answers, Rachel helps readers navigate how the loss of a child can affect body, heart, mind, and soul.
Unexpecting offers a safe place to ask:
• Am I still a parent if my baby died?
• I know it’s not my fault—so why can’t I shake the feeling that it is?
• How will I ever be able to talk about this with my friends and family?
• My partner isn’t grieving like I am—does that mean he’s over it?
• What do I do now?
Receiving practical tips on coping with their new normal, bereaved readers will feel heard, understood, and validated through Rachel’s story and the many interspersed messages from her community of bereaved parents. When life after loss doesn’t make sense . . . this book will.
What we’re talking about today:
Rachel’s own experiences with pregnancy loss, including infertility, an ectopic pregnancy and reunifying a foster child.
Why she needed to write this book as a resources for others
The hesitations behind talking about miscarriage
The mindset of mothers experiencing loss and the grieving process and unexpected grief triggers
Wanting more children after loss
How church can often be an unsafe place for grieving mothers
How to support your friends who have experienced pregnancy loss
Helpful and unhelpful things well-meaning people say
The very real effect of pregnancy loss on husbands
QUOTES
When people haven’t yet said “hello,” it’s often awkward to all of a sudden say “goodbye.”
Grief triggers can feel like an emotional mine field. But we can develop helpful coping skills.
Your reaction is a reaction.
You’re not choosing this
You’re not over-reacting.
You’re not being too sensitive.
You’re having a trauma trigger.
You will get past this.
When you’re having a grief trigger:
Stop – Leave the situation
Drop – Ground yourself
Roll – Plan for next time
“Children are a blessing from God,” makes bereaved mothers question if they are the problem and therefore, not worthy of the blessing.
Not everything that happens on this earth is God’s will…
The loss of a baby should never be considered a test of faith.
Social Support: Being seen, heard, and held in the safety of someone else’s mind.
Hold space for your loved one’s experience.
You don’t have to come up with a reason for their loss… and you don’t have to make their loss okay.
Resources Mentioned in this Episode
Unexpecting: Real Talk on Pregnancy Loss
Episode 090 | How to Hold on to Hope in the Hard Places
How to find hope and ask for the help you need when difficult and uncertain times convince you that your situation is hopeless.
Episode 089 | STRONG ENOUGH – Why We Can’t See Our Own Potential
Jenn and Jordan talk about four things that keep us from seeing our own potential, and the practices and people we need to see ourselves clearly.
Episode 088 | Your Family Plan to Be Ready For Anything
When you are ready for anything, there is peace that comes instead of panic. Use Kathi Lipp’s essential resource to plan for any crisis.