Episode 112 | Pregnancy Loss and the Christian Mom

The loss of a child comes in many forms. There is hope and support for grieving mothers, and the community that surrounds her. Rachel shows us how to be helpful and compassionate with our loved ones.

Bio

Rachel Lewis is the founder of Brave Mamas, an online community offering support to thousands of bereaved moms. Rachel is a well-known contributor to Still Standing Magazine and Pregnancy After Loss Support. She’s the creator of Unexpecting: A 4-Week Grief Workshop for Pregnancy Loss for couples.

Her work and family have been featured by the Today Show, Upworthy, AdoptUSKids, and Babble. Rachel has experienced the loss of five pregnancies, as well as the unique grief of reunifying a foster son with his birth family. Learn more at thelewisnote.com.

Why this book is a necessary resource

Rachel Lewis is the founder of the Brave Mamas online support group, and the friend bereaved mothers never hoped to need. She gives them the practical guide she wished for after each of her five losses.

With raw transparency and no pat answers, Rachel helps readers navigate how the loss of a child can affect body, heart, mind, and soul.

Unexpecting offers a safe place to ask:

• Am I still a parent if my baby died?

• I know it’s not my fault—so why can’t I shake the feeling that it is?

• How will I ever be able to talk about this with my friends and family?

• My partner isn’t grieving like I am—does that mean he’s over it?

• What do I do now?

Receiving practical tips on coping with their new normal, bereaved readers will feel heard, understood, and validated through Rachel’s story and the many interspersed messages from her community of bereaved parents. When life after loss doesn’t make sense . . . this book will.

What we’re talking about today:

Rachel’s own experiences with pregnancy loss, including infertility, an ectopic pregnancy and reunifying a foster child.

Why she needed to write this book as a resources for others

The hesitations behind talking about miscarriage

The mindset of mothers experiencing loss and the grieving process and unexpected grief triggers

Wanting more children after loss

How church can often be an unsafe place for grieving mothers

How to support your friends who have experienced pregnancy loss

Helpful and unhelpful things well-meaning people say

The very real effect of pregnancy loss on husbands

QUOTES

When people haven’t yet said “hello,” it’s often awkward to all of a sudden say “goodbye.”

Grief triggers can feel like an emotional mine field. But we can develop helpful coping skills.

Your reaction is a reaction.

You’re not choosing this

You’re not over-reacting.

You’re not being too sensitive.

You’re having a trauma trigger.

You will get past this.

When you’re having a grief trigger:

Stop – Leave the situation

Drop – Ground yourself

Roll – Plan for next time

“Children are a blessing from God,” makes bereaved mothers question if they are the problem and therefore, not worthy of the blessing.

Not everything that happens on this earth is God’s will…

The loss of a baby should never be considered a test of faith.

Social Support: Being seen, heard, and held in the safety of someone else’s mind.

Hold space for your loved one’s experience.

You don’t have to come up with a reason for their loss… and you don’t have to make their loss okay.