The Sex Talk…
Probably one of the most awkward conversations a parent can prepare for… but it doesn’t have to be.
Luke and Trisha Gilkerson are no strangers to answering necessary questions about development, puberty, pornography, and sex.
Meet our guests!
Luke and Trisha are owners of the popular website for Christian parents, Intoxicated On Life.Authors of dozens of books for Christian parents and homeschooling families, their best-selling book, The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality, has been used by thousands of Christian parents around the world. Luke has a Masters in Religion from Reformed Theological Seminary and Trisha has a Masters in Counseling from Michigan State University.
Beginning their Sex Talk journey
Luke worked for the software company Covenant Eyes, and Trisha worked as a counselor. Together, this couple has put together a powerful curriculum set to make The Talk less intimidating.
Trisha says that a lot of parents are tempted to put off this conversations as long as possible. The point is to have the talk when kids can intellectually understand it. The key is place sexuality into a purposeful, and Biblical framework.
In Luke’s time at Covenant Eyes, he says, “There was not a week that went by that I didn’t talk to somebody whose live had not been devastated by pornography.”
Addict, wife of the addict, parent, he found that 9/10 times, they weren’t talking to their partner or child about godly sexuality.
(Regarding pornography) Children have no grid to understand what they’re seeing… and why it’s a counterfeit of something that is so good, created by a good God.
Sex Talk Stages
The Talk (ages 6-10) – What’s happening with your body, how and why God designed us to function, and getting ready for being a sexually mature adult. Goal is to give a godly context for what sexuality is, and what it’s for.
Changes – puberty as sexual maturity, your body gearing up for the possibility of you being a father or a mother someday.
Relationships – preparation for sexual temptation and how to navigate these temptations in a godly manner.
Warning against sexual abuse
Both Luke and Trisha remind us that we need to educate early and be open about these concepts.
“The highest frequency of sexual abuse happens between the ages of 7 and 13.”
Read our article: Talking to Kids About Sex
“Should we talk to our boys and girls at the same time?”
With two of my own, I worried about how to address sexual issues with them together. My daughter and my son still share a room at ages 9 and 10, but we know there will come a day when they need their own space.
In the mean time, fostering a mutual respect for one another is important as we guide them through issues of sexual education and integrity. Luke says parents tend to talk to their kids alone, or have family discussions together.
“It’s not one or the other. All the book is there to do is to break the ice for future conversations.”
Common Fears
The issues that parents face the most when it comes to the sex talk is the fear of starting too soon, or just rushing it to have the one-and-done conversation.
Trisha talks about the importance of reviewing and reinforcing lessons. Just like we homeschool and review concepts over and over, the sex talk should happen over the years and accommodate for kid’s ages and levels of understanding. There are actually more pitfalls when you begin at an older age, but it’s never too late to start.
Bonus: Learn about why homesteading families tend to talk about sex much earlier!
Getting Your Spouse on Board
Luke ends our time with great, practical advice on how to encourage your husband to talk to your kids about sex. Some husbands may be reluctant at first if they are not the primary educator, and as you will hear from my own awkward story, it’s really just about clear communication.
Proverbs chapter 6, a set of instructions written from a father to his son, illustrates the important role of both the father and the mother’s role in their children’s lives.
We pray you are as blessed by this episode as we were! Learn more about how to prepare for the sex talk.
Click the image to order The Talk!
Click the image to order Changes!
Christian parents are often confused about what to say and when to say it. The Talk is a series of 7 parent-child studies, all anchored in the Scriptures, that helps parents to talk meaningfully with children about sexuality.
This devotional will help you walk your child (6 to 10 years old) through concepts around basic human sexuality, the differences between boys and girls, how babies are made, and the importance of marriage.
Acne. Pubic hair. Breasts. Squeaky voices. Menstruation. Nocturnal emissions. Make no mistake, puberty can feel like an awkward time in a child’s life.
But with the right perspective, children can be taught to anticipate puberty as a blessing.
Changes is a series of 7 studies, anchored in the Scriptures, that helps parents talk meaningfully with children about the mental, emotional, and physical changes puberty brings.
