Filling the White Spaces

Why do we commit to so many things? I submit that as I began to look at the use of our time, it seemed that a lot of my motivations were out of fear: fear of missing out (or my kids missing out), fear of what people would think if we were not involved or attended every party we were invited to. Fear of not being busy. It looks so strange to type that out, but I was really concerned that on some level our family was not being productive if we had nothing going on.

I wondered how often I just sought to fill our white spaces when all our kids really want is our space: our quality time. I wondered why they were so overtired and stressed at school.  They need to come home and relax but it was just an hour of downtime, me rushing them through their homework before the next activity began, then it was dinner time and off to bed.

I like what Nikki Koziarz says in her book 5 Habits of a Woman Who Doesn’t Quit:

“The less clutter and commitments you have in your life, the less you’ll feel pulled in so many directions. When you simplify your life, you’ll free up time.”

Less clutter and commitments. I like that because when I wrote Less is More, the same concept applies to actual physical stuff taking up our time and emotional space. In the same way, committing to too many things takes up the same space, and can leave us feeling frazzled and tired, and our families get the leftovers of the best parts of us.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand what it means to choose to commit to a sport or activity and be at every practice or rehearsal. But it’s when we see our family time disappearing that I have to question where we are allowing our time to be spent. The focus gets lost in all that we feel we have to do in order to grow strong and responsible kids, like we owe it to our kids to involve them in everything that comes along. But this should not be at the expense of living in a constant state of overwhelm and hurry.

How Not to Become Overcommitted

1. How much time with this take?

Look at the realistic time commitment: will the activity require practices during the week plus the games or tournaments on the weekends? How long is the season, and when will it end? Will this activity take the majority of our weekends?

2. How much time will be left for our family?

You must decide how much family time you want together, maybe it’s important that you eat dinner together every night, will this activity fall during that time? Will there be enough room to relax together?

3. Does this need to happen NOW?

There are so many great things to get involved in, but living a simple life requires focus. I have wrestled with choosing one great thing over another, but when I look back on the thing I didn’t choose, there is always a way to come back to it later, or the interest and important fizzles out somehow and priorities change to reveal more important things.

One Thing At a Time.”

“You live in a culture in which there are opportunities for you to do things unheard of in history. You are presented daily with scores of options for investing in your life’s energies and creativity. There is more than you could ever do. You must, therefore, prioritize.”

There was a time in my life when I lived to fill the white spaces. When I looked and saw two whole days without anywhere to go or someone to see, I would panic and think, “Uuuggghh…boring…who can I call to come over?” Maybe that’s a little bit of the extrovert in me, but it also made me think, “What if I just left those days alone, just let them be… see what happens.”

Inevitably, those turn out to be the most rewarding days. Just to be still with my family, really listen to them without agenda or suggestion, and appreciate the white space to rest and reconnect. Don’t let the flurry of activities steal your most important joy.  What might you need to cut out of your life to put family first?