This is What Your Teens Are Asking About Dating, Relationships, and Sex
While most of us are glad our teenaged years are behind us, there is a whole new generation growing up and asking tough questions. They want to know things you and I wanted to know at 12… 16…. 18…. how in the world should I handle dating, relationships, changes in my body, and boundaries with the opposite sex?
I’m right in the middle of motherhood. My kids are 9 and 10, so the toddler & preschool years are behind me, but the teenaged years loom and cast a wide shadow of conversational uncertainty.
I want to be available for my kids, and be ready to answer their questions. We had the beginnings of the sex talk last year, mostly about mechanics and where babies come from, but the reality is, they might not want to hear everything from me.
My mom was great about giving me “The Talk.” She showed me Christian picture books about God brining two people together and creating new life through that special act of love. I appreciated her openness as she was determined not to be closed-mouthed about the subject like her mother’s generation.
The Barna Group has been researching America’s belief about sex for decades. See their article here to see how mindsets have changed from our grandparents until now.
But I was stir curious. Especially into middle and high school, when friends were pressuring me to have a boyfriend. Parents, peer pressure is NO JOKE. Even if you felt like you could withstand it yourself, your kids may have a whole different experience based on their personality, passions, need to be liked or to fit in.
The Sample Group
The wonderful youth leaders at our current church ask me to be on a panel of women to answer anonymous questions from the youth group about dating, relationships, sex… and anything else they wanted to know. We believe that this God-centered environment not only created an alternative route to ask these awkward questions, but a safe one to be honest about their feelings.
They separated girls and boys, and they threw their unnamed questions into a fishbowl.
Parents: these are the questions your teens are asking. Allow this list to serve as:
- A point of sensitivity for you
- An object of prayer for your child and their friends
- A possible a gateway to meaningful conversations
Middle School Girls (Ages 12-14)
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What is dating like? Is it uncomfortable? What do I do if I have a crush on someone?
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I have crushes on so many people, what do I do?
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Is it uncomfortable to say no to having sex? Does it feel weird?
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Why are boys so stupid? Where can I find a mature Christian boy that respects me?
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Is there such a thing as “young love” aka meeting your “one” at a young age?
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What if you want to have a boyfriend, but you don’t know any guys, and you don’t feel like it’s time?
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What age gap is too big?
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What is the scripture that supports that homosexual relationships are a sin?
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What is a good time to start dating?
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How would you know if someone you care about is in a toxic relationship?
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How did you fall in love?
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What do you do if your friend (who is a boy) seems to have many girlfriends at once?
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It’s a running joke among me and my friends that I seem to attract the attention (which I don’t want) from a lot of guys at school. How can I deal with those guys who are attracted to me?
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If you are not dating a christian, what should you do?
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How do we help a friend when they are in a bad relationships, but want to keep dating that person?
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If you’re dating someone, and someone else is crushing on you, what do you do?
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If your boyfriend watched pornogrophy while dating you, is it considered cheating? Should I tell him to stop?
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How do I not get involved in gossip about a guy who likes me?
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What if you don’t want to have sex, but you don’t want to tell the boy?
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How come girls are so wrapped up in trying to get a guy?
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What age do you think girls should be able to date?
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What are/is some biblical evidence as to when we should start dating/get married?
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How do you get over a guy you liked since first grade? When he doesn’t like me?
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Do you give your children advice? If so, what advice?
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What is your #1 value in a relationship?
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What does a godly relationship look like?
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How can you turn a bf to Jesus?
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What do you do if you feel uncomfortable around a guy?
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What kind of guy should you be looking for?
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How do we find peace, comfort, and patience when we feel like we’ll never find someone who meets our standards, and find ourselves lowering our standards?
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How should you be treated in a relationship?
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How do I deal with feeling a bit detached from a friend who is now in a relationship?
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What age is too young?
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Why is Valentine’s day so pressed on teens and even adults?
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What if you have feelings for someone who doesn’t believe in Christ?
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What are some signs that a relationship isn’t working out?
Middle School Boys
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How do you keep your eyes on God when there are distractions like girls?
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How can you love someone as God loves the church?
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What if you like a girl and she says that she likes you too, but you aren’t sure she’s telling the truth?
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Is liking someone at this age okay when you’re not trying to date or something?
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Why do most teens like having dates? Just because they want to have sex?
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Is there a difference between romance love, and other love?
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What if you’re too nervous to ask the girl you like out on a date?
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What do you do when you really really really like the girls and you don’t know how to approach her? Her dad also really likes me. She is also right with God and I know she goes to church?
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What about Prom Prom kind of encourages dating so if you take a girl to the Prom, is it as good as dating?
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So, be right with God first?
High School Girls
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When do you know you’re ready to start dating?
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How do you know he’s worth dating?
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How early is too early for dating?
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Should I be bothered by PDA at school? And why do they feel the need to do it?
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If you’re best friends with a guy, should you take a chance at a relationship?
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What if you’re interested in a guy, but he’s not interested in you?
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What can you and can’t you wear to the beach?
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How to have a relationship and keep your family and God the priority in your life.
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What does God say about dating?
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Thoughts on following God’s will while dating.
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What qualities should a good mate have?
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How to handle non-christian friends having girlfriends/boyfriends needing advice on relationships.
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Should you change yourself for a guy you like?
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What’s the difference between letting the man in the relationship be the leader and being dependent on him?
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So people’s head hair match their genital hair?
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Where in the bible does it say sex before marriage is not good?
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What does it mean when you love everyone, but there’s always that one person you don’t see everyday but when you do it’s like no time has past and you get a stupid crush. But after awhile I forget about him. . . until I see him again.
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Thoughts on purity rings.
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Tampons? (Are they okay, should you use them, will they hurt, is it wrong to use them before sex?)
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How do you keep God in the loop of your relationship?
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When a guy picks on you, does that mean he likes you?
Other Resource Articles
Christianity Today: Teens and Sex – A Discussion for Teens