Kids Say the Funniest Things…

My kids are spunky. They absorb information like sponges and the things that come out of their mouths are hilarious and, at times, convicting… probably because I can hear myself and my husband in their thought process! This is the place where I share the funniest conversations I’ve had with my kids. Oh please share some of yours, too!

You Missed a Spot – 1.21.14

I was on my hands and knees last night scrubbing every inch of the floor in our apartment, and my 4 year old son points out to me this morning:

Asher: Mama… The floor is still dirty.
Me: Where?
Asher: right here, I can feel it with my hands. I’m just telling you so you know not to do that.
#thatswhatisay #everyonesacritic #helikesthingsclean #cinderellasyndrome

Shopping Assistant – 1.16.15

Back when I worked at my kid’s preschool, I had to shop for all the snacks in bulk. One afternoon, we pulled into the Sam’s Club parking lot, and Asher says:

“My school teacher said we just ran out of yogurt…could we get some yogurt? Oh, and only some yellow bananas, not the green ones because those have yucky things on it.”

#takingrequests #preschoolerstakingcharge

Missed You All Day – 11.4.15

Me: did you know that I missed you guys all day when you were at school?!

Asher & Chloe: yesssssss!

Me: and did you miss me all day too?

Asher & Chloe: yesssss!

Asher: and I cried!

Me: you did?! Really??

Asher: no, not really ????

Doing All the Work – 11.13.15

Saga in the Bryant home…the kids we’re tasked with cleaning up the living room. Asher promptly had to use the restroom. The rest unfolds…

Chloe: Mommmmmm, Asher is not helping me.

Asher: I’m going POTTY!!!!

(5-7 minutes later…)

Asher: Mama, I did not help Chloe because I was doing a lot of wiping.

Chloe: yeah, and he was doing a lot of wiping and I was doing all the work!

#amillionandoneexcuses #avoidscleaningliketheplague

Joke Came True – 11.17.16

Driving to school this morning…

Asher: oh my gosh!!!

Me / Chloe: what?!

Asher: the joke came true! I can’t believe it! …

Chloe: what joke?

Asher: the chickens ???? really ARE crossing the road! That is so cool…

Bucket Dumping Boundaries – 2.5.15

Kids and I are having pizza together and Chloe shared hers with me. She says:

Chloe: You know what Mama, I just filled your bucket!

Me: Yes you did, baby girl. Thank you!

Chloe: Do you know what else is a bucket filler? Giving people kisses!

Asher: Nooooo, not all the people. Sometimes they are shy of kisses. And you know what? It’s ok to be shy. If people doesn’t like it, then that’s a bucket dumper.

#truestory #personalboundaries #sensitivitytraining

Car Wash – 12.14.14

Driving in to church this morning, it’s raining and I turn on the windshield wipers.

Asher: Mama! Don’t just wipe it off! God is making it rain so it can wash your car!!!

Chloe: Praise the Lord!

Mommy Can’t Sleep…Again – 12.22.12

Trying to get a little more sleep on a Saturday morning, until…..

Chloe: “Mommy! U got to wake up! The sun is awake!”

Asher: “Shhhhhhh! Mommy fwwweeping!”

Right. In. My. Ear

Wanna Real Tree – 12.23.14

Chloe: Mama, I want a real tree. I don’t like the one we have because the branches don’t feel like a real tree.

Me: Hunny, why do you need a real tree? What’s wrong with ours?

Chloe: Because a real tree is better, it’s the correct one…

Me: Who told you a real tree is better?

Chloe: Jesus.

…I don’t think I can argue with that one…

Hurting My Ears – 1.2.13

An ambulance passed by while we were on the road…

Asher: Ice cream truck!

Me: No, hunny, that’s an ambulance, it’s trying to hurry because people are hurt

Chloe: But, Mommy, I’m hurt, it’s hurting my ears, it’s too loud

Justice Has Been Served – 1.5.16

We were visiting my sister’s house when Chloe cried out from the living room:

Chloe: ???? Asher pushed me behind the couch! (crying as if mortally wounded)

Me: Well, you guys are playing rough and that’s what happens; I think you’re ok.

A few minutes pass and we hear Asher cry out:

Asher: ???? Chloe punched me!!!

My sister and I looked at each other wanting to laugh but needing to hold it in for the sake of discipline. We pull it together enough to approach Chloe sternly:

Sister: Chloe, did you punch your brother?!

Chloe: (with attitude)….softly.

…to which she flipped her hair and walked away.

Unfinished Business – 1.12.15

Asher and I were sitting outside of Cold Stone having a treat, the table is wobbled and made it difficult for him to eat his ice cream:

Asher: How come this table is wobb-elling every day all the time? (in his whiney-est voice ever)

Me: Well, the table is old and a lot of people have used it. It’s not as sturdy as it used to be when it was first made.

Asher: I think that the people were making the table and their mommy said, “Common we have to go! It’s time to go now…” and they just left and didn’t finish making the table because they had to go.

I believe he is projecting what is often his own life circumstance 🙂

#nevergettofinish #timetogoagain

Too Sleepy to Drive – 1.14.15

It was difficult to get Asher to wake up and ready for school, as is most mornings. I dressed him and pulled him out of bed crying. When we got in the car, he was still crabby and reluctant to wake up. But… the car didn’t start. Some painters from across the street came over to help but they couldn’t figure out the problem. So Asher says:

Asher: The car won’t start, Mom! Maybe it’s really tired and it just wants to have a rest. It doesn’t WANT to drive!

Dinner Time Saga – 10.3.15

Me: you guys need to eat all your food before you get up from the table or do anything else….Do you hear me?

Chloe: (nods her head) uh huh

Asher: (spacing out)

Me: Son, do you hear me?

Asher: yeah (looking around)

Me: tell me what I just said, tell me so I know you heard me…

Asher: ummmmmmm….(smiles) I love you

#triedhardnottolaugh #hadtowalkaway

Solid, Liquid, and Gas – 10.1.15

All sounds to follow are real bodily functions:

Asher: What’s that?

Chloe: It’s my homework about solid, liquid, and gas!

Asher: Why?

Chloe: Because liquid is like water, solid is like rocks, and gas is like when you burp or fart. Like this: {{{burp}}}

Asher: Ewwwww! And like this: {{{fart}}}

#wow #science #livedemonstration #comingtoalivingroomnearyou

Best Buds – 9.12.15

Chloe went into my room and closed the door…

Asher: :::knock knock::: Chloe! Open da doooooor!

Chloe: Ugh, Asher, I’m reading my book right now. I closed the door because you are distracting me

Asher: But but but….. If you open the door, I will let you pick your movie!

Chloe: Well, just let me finish my 3 more pages.

Asher: ok!

(30 seconds later)

:::knock knock:::: Chloe, are you done yet?!

Chloe: Ummmm, let me see, 2 more pages!

Asher: Ok!

(10 seconds later)

:::knock knock::: Chloe, are you done yet?!

Chloe: Just one more page! Stop it, Asher

(A minute later)

Ok, I’m done now!

(She opened the door and they jumped up and down together)

#siblinglove #hecantlivewithouther #irishtwins

The Police – 8.28.15

Me: Ok guys, you have your belts on, right? The police officer is driving by us right now.

Chloe: See, Asher. You have to put your belt on, or the police man will look at you and take you to his office. Then you will never see your mom and dad again.

#strangerdanger #principalsoffice #notthepolice

Filling Our Buckets – 9.4.15

Kids arguing in the backseat about something random…

Asher: uh uhhhhh! Nooooo, stop it Chloe, you’re being mean. I don’t like you right now.

Chloe: and you are DUMPING my BUCKET!

Daddy: Hey guys, you don’t need to say mean things, what can you say to fill up your buckets again?(whispers a clue into Asher’s ear)

Asher: Chloe, you have a nice dress

Chloe: Asher, you can run really fast!

#bucketsfilled

Awesome – 9.29.13

Asher: (from his carseat) Mommmmm, I spilled my juice.
Me: Awesome
Asher: Noooooo, not awthum, my pants is wet!

The Frog – 8.31.13

Me: Look, guys there’s a frog!

Chloe & Asher: A frog! A frog!

Daddy: Maybe you should kiss him and see if he’s a prince

Chloe: Noooo! I don’t want to kiss him ????

Asher: I’ll kiss him! I’ll kiss him!

#princecharming

Clean Up the Cookies – 8.39.12

Me: What is all over the floor?

Chloe: That’s my cookies.

Me: Are you supposed to have cookies?

Chloe: No.

Me: How are you going to clean this up?

Chloe: We have to clean up the cookies!

Me: Yes, but what do we USE to clean them up?

Chloe: The stick brush!

Me: ???????

(ohhhhh, she means the broom ???? Good connections, Chloe)

Windy Da Poop – 9.1.13

Asher: Mama, I want to watch dis one, Windy da Poop.

Me: LOL, it’s Winnie the POOH, not poop.

Chloe: Yeah, Asher, it’s da poooooh

Asher: (singing the theme song) Windy da Poop, Windy da Poop, la la la la la silly old bear…

Kiss and Make It Better – 11.8.12

Asher: Go Uncle Wich’s house!

Me: We’re going to see Uncle Rich in the hospital.

Chloe: In da hospital?

Me: Yeah, he had surgery on his knee, the doctors fixed his knee because he had big owies.

Chloe: And he has a band aide on it?

Me: Yes, he probably has a really big band aide on it.

Chloe: And I gonna kiss it for him and make it better.

I Love You on Wednesdays – 11.8.14

Chloe: I love you Daddy, all the time, and every day I love you, but I only love Mommy on Wednesdays.

Daddy: Why? Mommy loves you all the time, that’s not nice.

Chloe: ok wait wait wait… ok then, I love Mommy on Wednesdays AND Thursdays.

#daddysgirl #noloveformama #itoldyouso #makeanappointment #hugswantedhere

Cleats on the Feets – 10.30.13

We signed up Asher for soccer, not realizing the perils of cleats when we almost always wear open-toed shoes.

Me: grrrrr, owwww Asher! Son, you have to stop stepping on my toes with your cleats, that really hurts!

Asher: But you gotta move out my way, Mom. You need to watch out!

#alsotrue

The Sun is Awake – 10.20.12

Three year old Chloe was a morning person for sure.

Chloe: Mommy, it’s not time for sleeping because the sun’s awake! It’s wake up time! And I want some cereal

Me: But I’m still tired, I want to sleep.

Chloe: But the sun is awake!!!!

Asher: Wake up time! Mommy, I pooped.

Me: Uuugggghhhh

#theirneedstrumpmysleep

Eating Clean – 10.19.15

We were trying to switch Asher to a dairy and possibly grain free diet to help with his potty accidents. We used this nifty chart to show him which foods are ok, so he muses…

Asher: I cannot have cereal or milk for breakfast, so maybe an egg like this?!

Me: Yes, I can make you hard boiled eggs ????

Asher: And peanut butter?

Me: …sure

Asher: Ok, I’ll have peanut butter and jelly… Because jelly is made out of grapes

#letsreviewsugaragain

Jennifer BryantFounder of Practical Family

Jennifer Bryant is the wife of a good man and mother of two precious kids. Her favorite things include, reading, organizing, blogging, singing with her kids, laughing out loud with her husband, and making food for people. She lives in Honolulu, Hawaii and dreams of taking her family on marvelous adventures across the globe. In the meantime, she blogs about life and family, and encourages others to build practical skills for healthy communication, simple living, and discover their awesomeness.